This is your official reset button!
Use one or all of these when your day is overwhelming or you are confused on your path forward.
You have the right to start your day over at any moment (again and again).
You are worth your own grace and time.
đđ§Ą
I love this analogy!
You are holding a cup of coffee when someone comes along and bumps into you or shakes your arm, making you spill your coffee everywhere.
Why did you spill the coffee?
“Because someone bumped into me!!!”
Wrong answer.
You spilled the coffee because there was coffee in your cup.
Had there been tea in the cup, you would have spilled tea.
Whatever is inside the cup is what will spill out.
Therefore, when life comes along and shakes you (which WILL happen), whatever is inside you will come out. It’s easy to fake it, until you get rattled.
So we have to ask ourselves⌠âwhat’s in my cup?”
When life gets tough, what spills over?
Joy, gratefulness, peace and humility?
Anger, bitterness, harsh words and reactions?
Life provides the cup, YOU choose how to fill it.
Today let’s work towards filling our cups with gratitude, forgiveness, joy, words of affirmation; and kindness, gentleness and love for others.
(Shared from Heart of a Lioness)
Do you feel angry?
Are you afraid?
Is hope hard to come by?
Daily life brings triggers that send us into panic and before we know it we are overwhelmed and out of control.
I struggle when there are too many avenues to travel.
Multiple choice exams are my enemy!
Is “B” more correct than “A”?
Well, “C” is “A and B” so that makes the most sense, right?
When I spiral into the out of control tunnel of darkness and despair, to find my way out and back into the light I make just one decision and go with it. Only one.
The choice is not the end-all-be-all-absolute-solution. The choice is step one. Each individual choice I make, my options and path become more clear.
I fight fear with choice. I may not like the choices I am given, but choices they remain.
Where will you choose to start the week?
Light up the darkness with step one. đđ§Ą
Worry is all around us. We all feel overwhelmed, out of control and filled with uncertainty.
Donât deny it, schedule it! Give yourself time to examine your worry.
Ask the question…do I have control over this worry right now, today?
If yes-take action! Call a friend. Do the thing. Move into the fear & do something besides worry.
If no- let it go! Save the worry for later.
Do not let it clog up your mind & take up space when you have no control in this moment.
When worry time is up, clock out! Thatâs it …until next time.
Take control where you can. The key is figuring out when & where that is.
Trauma maybe the most relative term in the English language. And funny enough, âtraumaâ is spelled the same in English, Spanish, German and Italian. However, I bet if we asked 100 people what trauma means to them, we would get 100 different answers.
For me, trauma is anything that stains my soul. Maybe that is gibberish to you, but it makes perfect sense to me. You donât have to understand my trauma for it to be trauma. You may even think my trauma is no big deal. That does not negate the fact that it is trauma to me.
In my not-quite-40 years on this earth, Iâve lost my father, my brother, all of my grandparents, twin babies and my nephew. Throughout my almost 18+ year career as a social worker, Iâve witnessed, heard and carried the stories of victims of violent crimes, sexual assault, child abuse and neglect. (this is not a trauma resume â just bear with me). My soul has been stained by all. Some stains I was able to accept, process and move forward in a healthy way. Others â not so much.
What I have learned through all these experiences is the single worse thing I can do is be âfineâ. When I am in pain and I am experiencing loss, I am far from fine. When I donât give my experience and the stain it left on me the dignity of a name, and rather say âIâm fineâ my stain spreads. The original impact of the trauma is much worse if I canât call out the fact I am hurting and I have been effected by what happened to me or what I witnessed.
Iâm not suggesting you have a full-on therapy session with the next person who asks how you are. However, instead of lying with âIâm fineâ, chose something else. Literally ANYTHING else, because being âfineâ is not living.
Life has not been promised without pain. We do not get to skip through Candyland shooting rainbows out of our ass while riding a unicorn. Though, if we can be honest with ourselves and with those we love and trust, we have the ability to come back from anything and find peace in the most troubling situations.
Tell someone you trust you are struggling. Admit when you are in pain. Ask for help when you need it. The holidays are difficult for MOST people. This is not a Christmas movie where everything is figured out with a beautiful bow tying up the end. But, we can take better care of ourselves by being honest and finding the people we can trust with our stains. Stay mindful of your soul and stay away from being âfineâ.
Photo Credit: Photography by Angela Gross
Do you have trouble finding the words sometimes? Itâs a funny question, because we arenât actually searching for words. We have the words, what we are searching for are is how to insert the words into the conversation at the exact right moment to convey our message in the exact way we feel it needs to be articulated. Thatâs exhausting!
On the flipside of that coin, when we are careless with our insertion of words, we run the risk of getting lost in translation. An emotional response can cause the recipient to put earmuffs on, change the focus of the conversation and our message is entirely lost. Getting your point across is almost impossible! You canât win for losing, right?
Or what if there is a different, less exhausting way to communicate? What if we pause, take a breath, pull the words together, and present them to another without fear of rejection or reaction? How, you ask? Letâs take a look.
Ruby was up all night waiting for her seventeen-year-old daughter to come home after she could not reach her daughter on the phone. For added fun, her daughter came home drunk. Take a minute to imagine the whirlwind of emotions swirling around. As much as she would have loved to scream out the list of thoughts running through her mind, Ruby decided to send her daughter to bed. She decided to take a breath and take a minute.
The next morning, Ruby peacefully watched the sunrise on her back porch and with no yelling involved she had a conversation with her daughter. A conversation being one of listening and sharing. A conversation is not sharing then drafting your next response. They ended with a hug and a threat of violence if the behavior continued. Bottom line, each part was heard, love was shared and boundaries were identified. A winning combination!
Ruby did a lot of good things here â she took a minute, not reacting immediately. She took a breath and focused her thoughts. She meditated sitting in nature, interacting with her higher power. She used âI statementsâ when expressing herself. And most important, she LISTENED.
Communication does not have to be exhausting, though it should be thoughtful. Be mindful of your words, but there is no perfect way to say it. There is no perfect time to express it. You cannot control how others receive you, because they too have a whole process and agenda going on in their mind when you are trying to get them to see it your way. Take a breath. Use your words. Then toss out your message and be ready to listen. Imperfect practitioners of self-care are effective communicators (full circle moment). Have a great day!
Well hello there! Are you present in the moment with me? Did you practice mindfulness this week? There is a mindfulness saying that some âolderâ and wiser ladies told me a long time ago. It goes something like this, âif you have one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow you will crap all over today.â I think they may have used a different term, but you get the idea. Itâs true! Staying present in the moment allows you to enjoy what is right in front of you. Mindfulness doesnât allow for worrying about tomorrow. If we could all take a little advice from Elsa, and let it go, the past will stay where it belongs too. However, mindfulness is a practice. It takes 21 days to form a habit so keep going! These weekly convos with you helps me to practice what I preach and keeps me focused on where my energy needs to be-right here in this moment. So, thank you for the opportunity! We are in this together!
Letâs review our dear friend, Ruby and her shenanigans this week. Have you ever felt the spotlight before? Knowing everyone is watching to see if you can pull something off. Whether it is being the textbook parenting expert or epidemy of class at a work dinner, you feel the heat of the watchful eyes and the weight of othersâ expectations. Your desire to hear the cheer of the crowd when you knock it out of the park pushes you forward as fear of the collective sigh of disappointment motivates your effort.
Mirandaâs birthday may have looked like a shit-show, but she did what was asked of her. She gave up the applesauce, she may have launched it like a hand grenade, but she gave it up nonetheless. And she is two years old with a new baby brother who is stealing her mother away. What do you want from the poor girl? Ruby had a Rockstar reaction â cake anyone? Basically, the show must go on, shit, cake and all.
This week keep practicing mindfulness. Was it journaling, sitting on the porch or just breathing alone in the elevator that reminded you to stay present?
For me, itâs journaling. I harness my inner Elsa and literally let it all go on the page. But, itâs not something I do every single day. My mindfulness practice has become flexible, which is a new concept for me. I hold myself to doing something every day to stay in the moment. Some days itâs journaling. Some days itâs running with my dog. And somedays itâs taking 35 seconds in the car before I go into work to remind myself I need a paycheck and I am a productive member of society (basically I tell myself whatever is necessary to get out of the car). However, I DO something daily. I practice. Itâs not helpful or mindful for me to be rigid about this process. I just need to do it and accept my imperfect mindfulness practice. Itâs so freeing!
So keep practicing this week, my friends! Send me a comment and let me know what works for you and what doesnât. I am always looking for new ideas and itâs helpful to know Iâm not alone in this practice journey. I would love to hear from you! And if you canât think of anything else to practice staying present, have some cake. That will make you enjoy the moment! Have a great week!
Welcome Back! The Self-Care Police is here! Just checking to see how you are doing!
Who did you connect with this week? Did you send a text or schedule a night out? I hope so!
Did Rubyâs flashback remind you of some not-so-far-off-time-in-past that makes you double over with laughter (at least the parts you can recall)? Though Ruby ânever disappointsâ even at a young age, she has grown up some since her barroom-brawling days. Instead of pushing random cheating blonde girls out of the way, she advocates for her kids at school and uses her voice to support those she loves. Maybe she doesnât walk around with her Ruby Red showing, but you can find her strutting in her heels with that same confidence as that girl on the dance floor missing a pocket. She may not drink as much or dance in public as often, but she holds true to who she is and what she stands for.
Change may be inevitable, but Ruby is still Ruby.
What about you? Who are you? What do you stand for? Would not-so-far-off-time-in-past-you recognize today-you? Is that a good thing or not?
Last week, I asked you to get connected. Guess whatâŚthis week Iâm asking you to connect to YOURSELF! Take some time to look at who you are & what you are about. No labels (i.e. mom, wife, partner, sister, employee, lover, hater, etc). Badass is the only exception â BADASS label is accepted.
Take a few minutes each day or if some angel of mercy gives you a few hours to yourself, ABSOLUTELY do that! Stay in the moment and practice some mindfulness (what the hell is that you ask?)
Psychology Today defines Mindfulness as:
âMindfulness is a state of active, open attention to the present. This state encompasses observing oneâs thoughts and feelings without judging them as good or bad. To live mindfully is to live in the moment and reawaken oneself to the present, rather than dwelling on the past or anticipating the future. Mindfulness can also be a healthy way to identify and manage latent emotions that are causing problems in personal or professional relationships.â (www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/mindfulness)
Use a calming app.
Journal in a cute notebook.
Sit on the porch and watch the leaves change.
Close your eyes with your legs wrapped in a constrained manner and mediate like an ancient monk.
Just take a moment to be quiet and get to know yourself. Leave your gavel and robe out of this â no judgement! Connect with yourself and figure out what you like and donât like. What makes you excited and sad. What gives you fire in your belly and what causes pain in your heart. Figure out who you are so you can love you for you. That is the most important connection to make! Have a great week!
Take a deep breath. Release the beast. Connect and let it go. Practicing self-care. Saying thank you and thatâs it. Did you get all that? Howâs that working for ya? (My favorite Dr. Phil question)
Is taking care of yourself overwhelming you yet? Did you get to meditate today? Journal? Exercise? Come on, Ruby! Donât just sit around trying to get a suntan on that pale skin of yours! Fit it in and get it done!
Self-care doesnât have to be âpost-worthyâ. It can be quick and dirty. In the car at carpool or at stoplight. One less scroll on social media. 10 minutes earlier in the morning or 10 minutes later in the evening. Whatever you do, just get it done. Self-care is imperative to your life! Itâs as necessary as your chewable vitamin and getting enough sleep.
However, self-care isnât just an extra 10 minutes here or there. Itâs more than using mindfulness and centering yourself. Donât forget the power in your firehouse!
Now, it may feel like you are scheduling a shuttle launch to get multiple grown women together for an extended amount of time, but just as important as space exploration, so is time with your people! Laughing and sharing and being your truest self is good for your heart and soul.
Again, this is time with your firehouse sisters. The ones who know your real hair color. The ones who laugh with you as much as they hold you accountable and the ones who actually want an honest answer to âhow are you?â
Girls Nights Out recharges your soul, but sometimes schedules donât work out. Shuttle launches are not an everyday occurrence. Just get connected! Send a group text. Reach out and touch base on your drive to work or while you sit in traffic. Make this part of your practice.
The most difficult times to reach out for support is when you are in pain. Itâs not healthy to share all your junk with someone you canât trust. Stay connected so when you really need your firehouse they are prepped and ready to be on-call. So your emergency call is like dialing 911 â no one puts you on hold or requires a 30 minute intro story to explain yourself. When you have an emergency, you need help NOW! Make sure you have people in your life that when shit hits the fan, they are dressed and ready to be there for you! And you do the same for them.
Connections to people are so important. Self-care is also nurturing our relationships with people who matter. Starbucks Stella may be great at knowing how you like your latte, but what the hell is she going to do if you come in there crying and need a hug?
Growing up, we think âthe more the merrierâ. I disagree. One of my firehouse sisters says, âthe few and the proud.â Find people you can trust and who are worth investing time staying connected to. If you have three REAL and TRUE friends thatâs AMAZING! Three friends can cover a 24-hour shift â so you are all set!
This week, keep it simpleâŚconnect to those you care for! Show them some love and I guarantee you will feel it in return.
So how is the gratitude practice going, Ruby? Has it helped to start your day with a reminder for what you are grateful for? I wonder after leaving the pool party if you had some extras to add to your list that day? I may have added being grateful that your son is so insightful and that you remembered our previous lesson on thinking about the appropriateness of your words before you speak. It sounds like that is working for you, even though I wouldnât have blamed if you had slipped just this once to put that Stephanie person in her place. I wonder if she needs a therapist. Maybe you could take a stack of my cards and pass them out at the next school gathering?
Anyway, back to our time together. A practice of self-acceptance is just thatâŚimplementing a practice. Much like your new gratitude practice self-acceptance must be a focus woven through daily life. You can change your perception by identifying and processing positive attributes about yourself. Here are a couple of quick interventions you could try to put into your daily routine:
Donât forget to take it easy on yourself. Self-care is a must when making big changes. Soak in the tub. Read a good book. Get some rest. You didnât get this way overnight and you wonât feel perfect tomorrow. You will feel better though. Practice gives you progress.
