We Are Not in the Same Boat

“We’re all in the same boat”, has the very best of intentions, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. Trying to bring everyone together, suggesting our struggle is the same actually misses the boat all together. While we may be floating down the same river or riding the same waves, our boats are built completely different.

I may be in a pontoon that doesn’t go very fasts but has a canopy to protect me from the sun. You may have a speed boat that slices through the giant waves to keep you moving with life preservers as a backup plan. We may both float by a canoe without a paddle only left to ride out the storm and land wherever the water takes it. Same body of water during the same storm, but very different boats with very different experiences.


Can we stop suggesting we are all in the same boat? Our resources and our choices are not the same. How you manage in your speed boat with your life preservers looks really different than what I need to do in my pontoon to find calm water. And that is okay – it should look different! I can’t be judged for finding a place to hold up while I ride out the storm as you keep going through the crashing waves because we are in fact in two different boats with different circumstances.

Same storm. Different choices.

And let’s not forget the canoe. If you have an extra life preserver and I have some extra space, shouldn’t we help the canoe if we can? Why? Because I’ve been in the canoe – I’ve struggled through the waves. I’ve watched others float on by without an issue. I’ve had to rely on someone else’s kindness to toss me a life jacket and share their space. And that is okay too!

That doesn’t make me weak. That doesn’t make less than. It makes me human and vulnerable and worthy of kindness.

My struggles aren’t worse-than or better-than yours. My struggles are simply different from yours. There is no need to compare. It’s not a competition to see who has toughest path. We are all struggling in uncharted waters these days-all of us in the same crazy storm holding on until we find a safe place to land.

However, our boats make our battles feel different.

Remember that fact.

Honor it.

We are not in the same boat.

This too shall pass

Eleven years ago today, I rolled myself out of bed and landed on my tree-trunk-sized ankles as I waddled myself out the door to a home visit where I sat on the edge of the couch while I provided in-home therapy to a family struggling to take care of their baby. Before the sunset that day, I gave birth to my daughters. They were a little early-arriving on their own time, but bringing with them the most all-consuming joy I have ever experienced.

Eleven months prior to that day, I was told there were no heartbeats for the babies I carried inside me. Those babies who I already loved, would never be in my arms. The overwhelming darkness of the ultrasound room broke me. That day I felt the devastation and pain of loss.

Joy and loss are not competing for power, rather one cannot exist without the other. As a mother, I love my children. However, the loss of my first two babies, gave way for another range of experiencing joy. That day in the darkness, I could not imagine what was waiting for me. I wasn’t sure I would ever find a reason to smile again.

Today, I know, it was because of that day I not only know true joy, I treasure it. Our pain right now may just be planting the seeds that open us up to joy.


I share this post from Scary Mommy again as a reminder for me as well, that today is only temporary. Joy or pain, this too shall pass. Let’s learn the lessons & treasure the joy.


Happy 11th Birthday to my joyous girls who teach me every single day!

Scary Mommy

I Do Not Belong

I’ve spent far too much time finding ways to belong. Removing pieces. Adding pieces. Changing bits and pieces of me for the comfort of fitting into something. This, I’ve found is not belonging. That person fitting in is no longer me.


I belong among the wildflowers. -Tom Petty

You are only free when you realize you belong no place—you belong every place—no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.
-Dr. Maya Angelou


For a spiritual awakening pick up Women Who Run with the Wolves by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes

So how’s it going, friends?!?


Are you holding on by the thinnest of thread repeating, “nothing to see here – everything is FINE”?

If you remember from previous posts, I’m Not Fine and Neither Are You!
Which also means, even if you feel alone, you are not!
I am WITH you and I am here FOR you!

I share a lot of my shenanigans with you and wondering… what speaks the loudest to you?
What do you relate to?
What do you want more of?

Send me your thoughts! Please!
I want to hear from YOU!
If you want to chat individually, let me know!
stephanie@killinitlife.com

Your feedback means so much to me!
Grateful for you all! 👑🧡

What’s in your cup?

I love this analogy!

You are holding a cup of coffee when someone comes along and bumps into you or shakes your arm, making you spill your coffee everywhere.

Why did you spill the coffee?

“Because someone bumped into me!!!”

Wrong answer.

You spilled the coffee because there was coffee in your cup.

Had there been tea in the cup, you would have spilled tea.

Whatever is inside the cup is what will spill out.

Therefore, when life comes along and shakes you (which WILL happen), whatever is inside you will come out. It’s easy to fake it, until you get rattled.

So we have to ask ourselves… “what’s in my cup?”

When life gets tough, what spills over?

Joy, gratefulness, peace and humility?

Anger, bitterness, harsh words and reactions?

Life provides the cup, YOU choose how to fill it.

Today let’s work towards filling our cups with gratitude, forgiveness, joy, words of affirmation; and kindness, gentleness and love for others.

(Shared from Heart of a Lioness)

Rainbow Connection

On the last day of PRIDE month, I want to pause and acknowledge the peacefulness of the rainbow.
We rarely get to witness its beauty, and it only stays around for a brief time. Rainbows only show themselves in the mixture of moments between darkness and light.
I love rainbows. They make me smile while I wonder what lies ahead as the light comes through.
We ALL deserve the light to shine through on us.
We ALL deserve the peaceful promise of the rainbow.
We ALL deserve the beauty of love.
If you can find the beauty and peace of love in this world, grab on to it with whoever it may be.
Celebrate Love for All! 🌈❤🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤
👑🧡

When Today is Tough

Within a tick of the clock, this became a day of dread instead of celebration in my family.

A day to remind me of my father-less status. A day to miss him even more than the rest of the 364 days on the calendar.

A day to miss all the times I never got with a man I thought would live forever.

It’s a devastatingly lonely place to be.

Father’s Day became a day of celebration minus the man of honor. It was status quo for my family, while everyone around us had a holiday.

Then I got tired of being sad and missing out on celebrating. I found some gratitude and decided to celebrate while we honored my dad even without him present.

We celebrated my mother, who had to be both mom and dad after he was gone. There are never enough days to celebrate her and her amazingness, so we started by adding Father’s Day to the list.

Then, we met my step-father who deserves our celebration and gratitude for his wonderful part in our family. A man who honors the void that was left in our hearts, never trying to fill it.

Eventually, I got to celebrate the father of my daughters who gives selflessly to our family and loves us with all that he is. I found a new level of gratitude for a man I share my life with and raise children with.

Father’s Day, for me, has changed a lot over the years. It still holds a void in my heart. There is a section of cards at Target which I do not get to shop from anymore. However, I always have something to be grateful for and someone to celebrate with. On Father’s Day, I honor the man I lost and I celebrate with people who make my life better.

You never know what someone is struggling with, so always start with kindness. If today is a struggle for you, know you are not alone. I understand and I honor your story.

Light Up the Darkness

Do you feel angry?
Are you afraid?
Is hope hard to come by?
Daily life brings triggers that send us into panic and before we know it we are overwhelmed and out of control.
I struggle when there are too many avenues to travel.
Multiple choice exams are my enemy!
Is “B” more correct than “A”?
Well, “C” is “A and B” so that makes the most sense, right?
When I spiral into the out of control tunnel of darkness and despair, to find my way out and back into the light I make just one decision and go with it. Only one.
The choice is not the end-all-be-all-absolute-solution. The choice is step one. Each individual choice I make, my options and path become more clear.
I fight fear with choice. I may not like the choices I am given, but choices they remain.
Where will you choose to start the week?
Light up the darkness with step one. 👑🧡