Eleven years ago today, I rolled myself out of bed and landed on my tree-trunk-sized ankles as I waddled myself out the door to a home visit where I sat on the edge of the couch while I provided in-home therapy to a family struggling to take care of their baby. Before the sunset that day, I gave birth to my daughters. They were a little early-arriving on their own time, but bringing with them the most all-consuming joy I have ever experienced.
Eleven months prior to that day, I was told there were no heartbeats for the babies I carried inside me. Those babies who I already loved, would never be in my arms. The overwhelming darkness of the ultrasound room broke me. That day I felt the devastation and pain of loss.
Joy and loss are not competing for power, rather one cannot exist without the other. As a mother, I love my children. However, the loss of my first two babies, gave way for another range of experiencing joy. That day in the darkness, I could not imagine what was waiting for me. I wasn’t sure I would ever find a reason to smile again.
Today, I know, it was because of that day I not only know true joy, I treasure it. Our pain right now may just be planting the seeds that open us up to joy.
I share this post from Scary Mommy again as a reminder for me as well, that today is only temporary. Joy or pain, this too shall pass. Let’s learn the lessons & treasure the joy.
Happy 11th Birthday to my joyous girls who teach me every single day!
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