Tina Turner

“Sometimes you’ve got to let everything go – purge yourself. If you are unhappy with anything…whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you’ll find that when you’re free, your true creativity, your true self comes out.”

Tina Turner, born Anna Mae Bullock
(November 26, 1939)
An American-born Swiss singer and actress. Turner rose to prominence as part of the Ike & Tina Turner Revue before launching a successful career as a solo performer. Having sold over 100 million records, she is one of the best-selling recording artists of all time and has been referred to as The Queen of Rock ‘n’ Roll. Turner is noted for her energetic state presence, powerful vocals and career longevity.

Maya Angelou

“You are only free when you realize you belong no place – You belong every place – No place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.”

Maya Angelou, born Marguerite Annie Johnson
(April 4, 1928 – May 28, 2014)
An American poet, singer, memoirist and civil rights activist. She published seven autobiographies, three books of essays, several books of poetry, and is credited with a list of plays and movies and television shows spanning over 50 years.
(source: Wikipedia)

Kamala Harris

“If you are fortunate to have opportunity, it is your duty to make sure other people have those opportunities as well.”

Kamala Devi Harris (October 20, 1964)
An American lawyer and politician serving as the junior United States Senator from California since 2017. She is a member of the Democratic Party. Previously, she served as the 32nd Attorney General of California from 2011 to 2017.
She is a graduate of Howard University and University of California, Hastings College of the Law.
(Source: Wikipedia)

Michelle Obama

“You may not always have a comfortable life and you will not always be able to solve all of the world’s problems at once but don’t ever underestimate the importance you can have because history has shown us that courage can be contagious and hope can take on a life of its own.”

Michelle LaVaughn Robinson Obama (January 17, 1964)
An American lawyer and author who was the first lady of the United States from 2009-2017. She is married to the 44th President of the United States Barack Obama. She is the first African-American First Lady of the United States.
Mrs. Obama is a graduate of Princeton University and Harvard Law School.
(source: Wikipedia)

“We have to improve life, not just for those who have the most skills and those who know how to manipulate the system. But also for those who often have so much to give but never get the opportunity.”

Dorothy Height (March 24, 1912 – April 20, 2010)
American civil rights and woman’s rights activist. Height specifically focused on the issues of African-American women, including unemployment, illiteracy, and voter awareness. She was the president of the National Council of Negro Women for forty years.
(source: Wikipedia)

Holding Space for the Voices of Others

As a mother, wife, daughter, friend, social worker and human being I use my voice for to uplift others and raise awareness from my perspective. With all of my good intentions and passion for justice, my perspective is laced with privilege.

My vision, like the rest of the human race, is filtered through my experiences. So, it becomes my responsibility to remove the veil in order to listen to the voices of others so I can learn what I cannot comprehend on my own. I need other people to teach me so my perspective doesn’t operate independently. My perspective can become part of a collective solution.

The next seven days I will hold space for the voices of women of color. Each, who have removed veils for me to hear and see more clearly. Though, I have lengthy stories on each woman and how their words and lives changed me, my words are not the point.

There is no need to explain any further what their perspectives and voices are able to accomplish on their own.

I stand with justice and black lives matter.

Are You a Butterfly?

“In the end, she became more than what she expected. She became the journey, and like all journeys, she did not end, she just simply changed directions and kept going.” – r.m. drake

This too shall pass. Well, what if I don’t want it to?

Change is inevitable. But, I’m comfortable where I am!

Time and tide wait for no (wo)man. Hang on – I’m not ready!

As a child, my family took a trip to the beach when my sister was very young. We introduced her to the playfulness of the ocean for the first time. The crashing of the waves made her laugh and we all enjoyed watching her dance around in the water. After some time passed and her energy lessened, my sweet sister turned to my mom and asked “when will they turn off the waves?”

We laughed at her thought that the massive ocean was just like the wave pool at the amusement park. My mother explained that the sea water was different. The waves keep turning and turning. They never stop. We just have to get out of the water and rest.

An innocent question from child has me thinking today…When WILL the waves stop? When will things calm down? When will this pain end? How long can this last?

Whether the question of time is relevant to the passion at the beginning of an amazing relationship or the overwhelming grief from a life-altering loss of a loved one, we wonder how long this will last. Why do we find it so difficult to stay in the moment? Why can’t we enjoy the love while we have it as well as endure the pain when it’s present? Both emotions have purpose.

History tells us, change is inevitable. Nothing lasts forever (even cold November Rain according to Axl Rose). This is a terrifying thought for those wrapped in the warmth of good times. We worry about the other shoe dropping, the clock striking 12 and the carriage changing back into a pumpkin. Before we realize how good it is, we turn around and it’s gone. We waste joy, attempting to worry away pain.

Then there are the times we are drowning in misery, trying to fight for another breath to hang on through the darkness until the light finds us again. During these desperate moments, the knowledge that nothing lasts forever breeds hope where only pain lived. We can use that hope to pull ourselves and each other out of anguish until we find our footing to fight for more. Change becomes our wish, our plea, our prayer.

Change may be the only thing certain in this life. We can study and test and predict. We can bet and know and believe. But change is certain. Change will come, so let’s find a way to embrace it instead of fear it. Instead of denying it, deal with it. Instead of asking ‘why me?’, ask ‘why not me?’

I love butterflies. They entrance me. I watch these graceful creatures float around with gorgeous, intricate colors and designs. Their movements are mesmerizing, and the flap of their wings purposeful. These tiny, fragile creatures migrate across the continent, however they do so by changing and adapting along the way. The tiny caterpillar can’t make it across the country in her original form. During her development in the Chrysalis stage, it appears nothing is happening on the outside. However, a total transformation of metamorphosis takes place on the inside where at the end the butterfly is revealed. Her beauty, grace and skill must be developed over time, not overnight. Alone in the dark, she changes and becomes what she is meant to be. Her struggle has a purpose. The joy of the journey isn’t possible without it.

Are we so different? Our journey has struggle. Our journey has joy. If you believe otherwise, come talk to me, I’ll help you find both. You don’t always know which one someone is going through in the moment. Metamorphosis may be in process and you can’t see her pain. Maybe the waves got too much and she had to get out of the water to take a rest. The water will not stand still. The waves will not turn off. You cannot protect against struggle as much as you cannot prevent good things coming to an end. What you can do is stay in the moment. Be grateful for joy and pain, because one cannot exist without the other. You cannot define pain without knowledge of joy, just as joy is not possible without the memory of pain. So use that struggle. Let the pain change you, not define you and become who you are meant to be.

Find peace in the purpose of your journey.

Ruby Red

“Let’s go, bitches!” Claire screams as she pulls in with Nelly blaring from her GrandAM.

“Don’t get your panties in a wad! I’m not running in these heels!” Kate yells from the top of the stairs to my third-floor apartment.

I roll my eyes and grab my purse, as I lock my door. “I have neighbors you heifers!”

“Hot In Herre” bumps into the warm night as the four of us are off for a much needed night out. Spring finals are over, and we have three weeks until our last year of college begins. Kate, Claire, Annalise and I have lived a lot of life in our 22 years, yet we are only at the jumping off point for adulthood. This will be a year of planning and prepping what our path toward the future will look like. However, tonight is a night to let lose and just be four girls laughing and dancing until we sweat off our make-up and blisters form on our feet.

With wristlets in hand and gloss on our lips we make our approach into The Hill. It’s Saturday night and we are feeling ourselves. The wind picks up right on cue whipping my hair like I’m on the Victoria Secret catwalk. My heels click with a little extra pep to my strut. The DJ must have known we arrived and turns up P!nk “Get This Party Started” for our walk-up song. We are rolling in tonight like a wave of slow-motion awesomeness. We head to the bar, get our drinks with the ease of what we imagine life is like for celebrities, then turn around to survey the situation.

“I’m ready to shake my ass.” Claire sips her drink.

People are everywhere. Walls are lined with half-drunk-20-something-year-olds focused on the same goal…whatever feels good tonight.

Annalise chugs her beer and slams down the empty bottle. “Let’s do this.”

Like true music video fashion, we sashay to the dance floor in sync with each other and the beat. It feels like the Red Sea parted the crowd to welcome us. All the while, I wonder if I am already buzzed or if everyone is really looking our way. I know I am feeling cute tonight, but this amount of attention was abnormal. We get to middle of crowd with just enough room for the four of us to drop it like it’s hot. We have about three drinks under our belt when, Kate grabs my shoulder and spins me around. I can barely make-out what she is yelling at me over the music, but I the last thing I hear is, “your ass!”

“What about my ass?” I yell back over the bass booming in my ears.

There is a lull in the music at the right moment for Kate’s voice to carry above it, “Your ass is hanging out of your jeans, Ruby!”

She might as well have had a megaphone for the crowd surrounding us, because they all turn to find the ass, which is apparently me tonight. I reach to touch my behind to find my old trusty, but comfortable fire red cotton panties where my jean pocket should be. My brain takes a minute to process what this must look like from behind. No worries, because Annalise gives me a functioning visual.

“Oh hell, Ruby! Your entire cheek is hanging out!” Her concern for my ego is lost in the humor of the situation.

I feel a hand on my shoulder turning me and my ass to another angle. “It sure the hell is! How in the world did you manage this Ruby? The entire pocket is just ripped off!” Claire continues to supply descriptive details so I have a full picture of what I am dealing with here.

We are in the middle of the mob of other minimally-talented-beer-buzzed dancers, which provides some coverage to my current predicament. My wristlet will not provide any amount of coverage and since I opted for comfort over cuteness tonight, the bright red color of my underwear is sure to attract a few glances no matter where I go. I debate how long I can stay here. Do I ask my girls if we can make a dash for it and head to the car? They could form a protective cover and flank me as we nonchalantly made our way out of here. I decide none of that will do. We’d come out for a good time and I wasn’t about to cut that short. Who knows how long my jean pocket has been missing. I felt a little drafty earlier in the night, but that didn’t stop me from laughing and dancing and being with my friends. It would explain the reason the Rea Sea parted to let us on the dance floor earlier and why we seemed to attract so much attention, but that’s not important right now. My girls are looking at me to give them direction. Like troops waiting for an order, I can tell by the look in their eyes, they will go and do whatever I want or need. That is friendship. Ride or die. Hell or high water. Covered or bare ass.  

“Screw it! Let’s get a drink!” With that, I turn on my alcohol-covered heels and head to bar with a red wave behind me. The girls follow my lead and we make our way through the crowd. Kate wraps her arm around me and gives me a squeeze “you are a badass, Ruby. You never disappoint, darlin’!”

“I try,” and I give her a wink right as I bump into a guy standing in our path to the bar.

“Oh, my bad. I didn’t…Dennis?” My voices trails off as I realize it is in fact Dennis, Kate’s boyfriend for the last 100 years. “Hey, who are you here with?” but the smile in my voice slowly fades as I see Kate staring straight ahead with no emotion on her face.

Just then, Annalise and Claire in unison change the conversation, “who the hell is that?”

Their question directed at Dennis was regarding the blonde hiding behind him.

“Dennis. Seriously? What have you done?” Claire pushes forward toward him and the mystery girl.

The slow-motion has returned to haunt us instead of highlight this moment. An extremely drunk girl bounces off Annalise and spills her pink umbrella drink down the front of Claire’s white tank top.

I wait for the f-bombs to start flying. Claire takes a deep breath, calling Buda, Jesus or whoever is listening. We all brace for the fall-out.

Claire throws her arms up and shoves the drunk girl. “Straighten up, sloppy!”

Then a guy comes from behind and pushes Kate. Dennis pushes him threatening him to leave Kate alone.

“What the hell do you care!” Kate yells as she pushes Dennis.

I push mystery blonde just for purpose. Annalise grabs me quickly, “let’s go, now!”

The four of us make a run for the back door dodging the angry mob that we may or may not have started. We were not going to stick around to find out.

For the quickest extraction, we catch a cab back to my apartment but not before we bribe the cab driver to stop at White Castle and order anything he wants. When we get home, we gorge ourselves with chicken rings and cheese fries. We console Kate over the revelation of Dennis. Then we laugh until we are all in tears about mystery blonde taking a fall and Claire’s pink stained white tank. Because isn’t that what friends are for? To push mysterious cheating blonde girls to the ground in the middle of a barroom brawl you all started?

This story always seems to come up at least once a year. Today’s telling is around the pool at Annalise’s 39th birthday. Instead of sloppy, drunk girls there are cake-covered toddlers and pre-teens with water guns. Contagious tears of laughter have us all trying to catch our breath.

“I still picture the bouncers on their radios trying to control the chaos.” Annalise slaps her leg as she cackles out loud. “The girl with the red ass did it!”

“Even at a young age, you never disappoint, Ruby!” Claire wipes her eyes.

“What would have happened if we tried to sneak Ruby out the other way? I may never had found out about Dennis. Can you all image what that would look like today?” Kate takes a sip.

“Cheers to that, ladies! Multiple wins from that night!” I raise my glass to meet their three.

Parties look a little different now. Nights don’t always end at White Castle. Change is inevitable, good or bad. This too shall pass. But friendship that you will cause a barroom brawl for is worth the work to maintain. In life, you need people who will take a pink a drink for you and cover your ass when you need it.