I despise waste. Wasted time. Wasted talent. Wasted resources. Wasted potential. Wasted help.
My heart aches when I witness people in pain all the while knowing help is available – for everyone.
When we chose to do the comfortable thing, rather than the hard thing, we waste it all; time, energy, resources, love – all of it.
Hard things are hard. If they weren’t, then we would always choose that path.
It’s actually easy to keep doing what you’ve always done because you are comfortable with doing it – not because it is always the healthiest path to travel.
But healing and growth and change and peace do not come with comfort.
You must be willing to fight for them.
I am a helper. I struggle with calling myself a healer because healing comes with permission and active participation. I help people who want to be helped and some who may not know they want the help -yet. I gently push them outside their comfort zones to change enough to find what they are looking for.
And we are all looking for the same thing…peace.
I cannot help everyone. But everyone can help someone. Help is not reserved for those who ‘know someone’. Help is available for everyone who wants it – even for those who don’t know they want it yet. Help is also available for those who watch others in pain and don’t know what to do next because loving other humans is difficult and complicated.
While help is available for everyone, help is more easily accessible to some more than others. The more resources you already have, the easier it is to gain access to help. We have to do a better job of extending the reach of help, because people are not waste and people are worth the worry. And when we lose someone who did not get help, that loss is felt exponentially, forever.
I am amazing at helping – I always have been. I like helping others. Helping meets a need for me – helping helps me. And since I know that, I also have to be mindful of my ability to ‘help’, because ‘helping’ can be hurtful to me if I allow it. Prioritizing others’ needs over mine and seeking approval, or people-pleasing, negatively effects how I function in the world.
My obligation is to myself to get help when and where I need it. When I get help for me, I show up how I want to with those I love and those who depend on me.
💥When I get help, I am a better helper (period).
I’ve been wasteful. I’ve watched others be wasteful. I’ve been unsuccessful at helping, even when I tried my best. Even when I loved the most. Because helping requires two people.
My brother died without getting the help he needed. Not because I didn’t love him enough. Not because I didn’t find the exact right words to help him. Not because he didn’t have resources. But nonetheless, he died of a drug overdose, alone.
I needed help after he died. I needed help to heal from the pain I carried from the blame I took on from failing to help him. I needed help, because grief is hard. I needed help, because hurting is hard.
And not only did I need help in crisis times, I needed help because 2020 and 2021 have been hard. I needed help to manage life on life’s terms even when my hair was not on fire. I needed help in the quiet times of everyday life.
I am a licensed therapist and I needed help.
In order for us all to be better, we must be willing to talk about the hard stuff. We must be willing to say the things that make us uncomfortable and tell the people that need to be told the truth.
We have to be willing to say:
📢“I am in pain.”
📢“I love you.”
📢“I see you.”
📢“I don’t like this.”
📢“No, I won’t.”
📢“I want to go.”
📢“I cannot do this anymore.”
📢“I need help.”
Refuse to remain comfortable.
Asking for help, requiring help, receiving help means you are human.
❌Not a lost cause.
October 10th is Mental Health Awareness Day. Just be aware that mental health matters. It matters not only in a crisis when your hair is on fire, but EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Mental health matters because we are human and being human is hard. If we can prioritize maintenance on our car, our house and our hair color, surely our mind, body and spirit are just as important to maintain with a little help from others who get it.
I get it – if you need help and don’t know where to start. Start here, with me.