mid-life crowning

Midlife Crisis or Crowning?

As a woman of a certain age (somewhere in my mid-thirties) I swore I would never have a mid-life crisis. With images of hysterical females shoving themselves into clothes they aged out of and watching salt & peppered-haired men driving gas-powered penis extensions, I wanted no part of it. The fear of aging we have been spoon-fed has prompted an entire industry of age-defying potions and tricks to stop a process of privilege.

The fact is not everyone gets to grow old.

Even more ironic, this same brand of magic would have gotten us all an early death throughout history.

So why do we continuously, cut on ourselves and cover ourselves with whatever they say will make us appear younger? And who decided that being younger is the ultimate goal?

I have no desire to be 25 again…it was hard enough the first time around and even with the knowledge I have today, 25 wouldn’t be as much fun as it was when that was my actual age.

As we approach “mid-life” I also ask, who the hell determined when “mid-life” actually takes place?

Is there a crystal ball somewhere or a game clock buzzing indicating half-time?

And if this is in fact the mid-point of my life, what is the point of trying to reduce myself to what I have already been?

Isn’t the point, growth? Change? Knowing better, so I can do better?

A couple of years before my 40th birthday, I made a promise to myself – absolutely no mid-life crisis! Instead, I began work on self-discovery. My thought was, “in 40 years I’ve bound to have learned a few things, so instead of seeking out youth, I want to uncover the lessons of aging.”

Great idea, right?

I thought I had tricked the system! ‘Okay society, you want me to long for my younger years, I’m going to celebrate the aging process!’ Haha!

Upon this brilliant journey, I completely lost my mind.

I uncovered so many pieces of myself that were hard to look at. I charted mistake, after mistake doing the same wrong things over & over expecting different results (aka insanity).

I found traumas I thought I had laid to rest, but in reality I just took a giant step over as I passed by, thinking that acknowledgment indicated acceptance.

While I did not dress like a 25-year-old or purchase a mobile penis, my behavior & mindset were in a full-blown crisis.

So there I was, broken.

Broken promises to myself.

Questioning all my life’s choices.

Berating myself for in fact having the mid-life crisis I promised I would not.

I wanted out of that feeling immediately!

The healing began.

Acknowledging my mistakes & traumas was step one. I had to figure out a way to heal.

Therapy. Meditation. Writing. Making amends (to others & myself).

This was not a weekend retreat & all was right in the world (btw…still in process).

This is accepting the lessons of life so far and actually implanting them in my life.

It’s being brave enough to own my shit and start something new.

This crisis became my crowning. My celebration that I get to move to the next round-I get to keep living & learning.

So I’m going to challenge society (or whoever reads this post), to change our mindset of mid-life crisis to mid-life crowning. We are privileged to experience this moment in time, so let’s embrace it rather than run from it. There are so many who do not get the opportunity.

Let’s aim for being grateful rather than grimaced.

Thriving instead of surviving is a much better place to function from so we might as well get a crown out of it instead.

Practice Imperfectly

Well hello there! Are you present in the moment with me? Did you practice mindfulness this week? There is a mindfulness saying that some “older” and wiser ladies told me a long time ago. It goes something like this, “if you have one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow you will crap all over today.” I think they may have used a different term, but you get the idea. It’s true! Staying present in the moment allows you to enjoy what is right in front of you. Mindfulness doesn’t allow for worrying about tomorrow. If we could all take a little advice from Elsa, and let it go, the past will stay where it belongs too. However, mindfulness is a practice. It takes 21 days to form a habit so keep going! These weekly convos with you helps me to practice what I preach and keeps me focused on where my energy needs to be-right here in this moment. So, thank you for the opportunity! We are in this together!

Let’s review our dear friend, Ruby and her shenanigans this week. Have you ever felt the spotlight before? Knowing everyone is watching to see if you can pull something off. Whether it is being the textbook parenting expert or epidemy of class at a work dinner, you feel the heat of the watchful eyes and the weight of others’ expectations. Your desire to hear the cheer of the crowd when you knock it out of the park pushes you forward as fear of the collective sigh of disappointment motivates your effort.

Miranda’s birthday may have looked like a shit-show, but she did what was asked of her. She gave up the applesauce, she may have launched it like a hand grenade, but she gave it up nonetheless. And she is two years old with a new baby brother who is stealing her mother away. What do you want from the poor girl? Ruby had a Rockstar reaction – cake anyone? Basically, the show must go on, shit, cake and all.

This week keep practicing mindfulness. Was it journaling, sitting on the porch or just breathing alone in the elevator that reminded you to stay present?

For me, it’s journaling. I harness my inner Elsa and literally let it all go on the page. But, it’s not something I do every single day. My mindfulness practice has become flexible, which is a new concept for me. I hold myself to doing something every day to stay in the moment. Some days it’s journaling. Some days it’s running with my dog. And somedays it’s taking 35 seconds in the car before I go into work to remind myself I need a paycheck and I am a productive member of society (basically I tell myself whatever is necessary to get out of the car). However, I DO something daily. I practice. It’s not helpful or mindful for me to be rigid about this process. I just need to do it and accept my imperfect mindfulness practice. It’s so freeing!

So keep practicing this week, my friends! Send me a comment and let me know what works for you and what doesn’t. I am always looking for new ideas and it’s helpful to know I’m not alone in this practice journey. I would love to hear from you! And if you can’t think of anything else to practice staying present, have some cake. That will make you enjoy the moment! Have a great week!